Friday, October 7, 2011
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it doesn't matter? Sometimes I feel sad because I try so hard and no one seems to show me the same love in return. I listen to complaining, gripping, whoa is me and yet when I am upset then who cares. Maybe that isn't the case but it sure does feel like it. I shouldn't complain because I am so happy with my family yet so sad. Today I wanted to buy my daughter a dress and my oldest said I shouldn't do it because she would get upset! Isn't that ridiculous! I just wanted to show her love and do something nice, but it would upset her. I am so confused, I should worry about them getting upset and tiptoe around everyone else's feelings, but I don't get the same in return, really! I think about how mean and devilish their father was and how he never cared. Maybe I am just beating a dead horse. Don't get me wrong I love my children so much, but feel like I get taken advantage of, maybe I am just whining today. Behavior is learned and I don't care who you, but I see the negative in my beautiful daughters and know it is from their father, but I am the one who should set a better example. But how? I already bite my tongue, but I do display unhappy feelings from time to time. I need to be more open and not worry about the leaving me. I guess I lost them once so it is hard to be open because I don't want to lose them again. I hope they know how much I love them, and only want our love to be stronger and our relationship to be stronger. If nothing else it felt good to get this off my shoulder.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Well this is new! I am taking my first step in writing how I feel and this is called blogging. For all you advid bloggers this is new for me and hopefully a good outlet. See tonite I decided to find my daughters blogs and see what lies heavy on her mind. I am lying here in my bed not able sleep and it is almost midnight. I guess my greatest reason for not sleeping is I worry. I love my children, but I worry about them. Don't get me wrong they are very self-sufficient and don't really need me to worry because they are so much smarter than I was. I wish I could get back the last 6 years of my life. But anyways moving on, I want these moment I have to last, I so love my girls. I am that weird mom that enjoys her girls living in the same house. Things are a little tougher now because my husband and I are trying to make a small difference in the world by helping children. I feel like I am being pulled, I mean I don't want my girls to think they have been replaced, I feel we just added on. I guess I am just rambling but I think that is the point of this, right? I guess my point to my first blog is I have missed my girls and I love them and don't want them to ever leave again. Many aren't as lucky to have the connection and love we have! Enough of my whining, I am going to try an actually get some sleep, early day tomorrow! Good luck with making any sense of this!